Saturday, May 28, 2011

Dear Former Bosses

I’m sorry for all the nasty names I called you when you made me attend eight hours of boring back-to-back meetings as a technical advisor for potential projects.
And remember how everyone said your office smelled like doggy-doo on days after I had to work overtime writing programs for the real projects you assigned me because I’d spent all damn day in those useless meetings? I’m sorry about that, too.
I deeply regret those completely untrue things I told the night operators about you when they called me at 2AM to fix the crappy programs I wrote on overtime that you made me install into production without proper testing because you insisted on meeting the deadlines.*
I’m self employed now and it’s made me realize how harshly I judged you.
I’m the worst boss  I ever had. I still work at 2AM because that’s when inspiration strikes. I now work in a profession where I can easily spend ten hours a day at the keyboard and what I write can’t be tested at all. Oh how I miss those long, dull meetings. And the deadlines I work to now make me remember yours as incredibly generous.
I wronged you terribly. I hope you can find it in your hearts to forgive me.
Yours in abject apology
-          b
*This apology does not apply to you, Barry. I hold you personally responsible for the time when they were making Three Men and a Baby in Toronto, and I had to work that thirty-six hour shift fixing the customer database because you decided to install while the real DBA was on vacation, so I cancelled a clubbing date with Patti and her friends, and then the next day I had to listen to Patti going on and on about what it was like dancing with Tom Selleck!!! You deserved every pin I stuck in that voodoo doll.

3 comments:

  1. Yes, Bren, what you write now can't be tested (except perhaps by time) but it also can't over-irradiate some poor cancer patient via a cryptic error code or leave off some poor soul's entire allergies page or take 400$ out of some schmuck's savings without spitting a single bill out of the ATM or...

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  2. Totally valid point, Chris. Thanks for reminding me.

    The worst I can do now is make an editor tug out a handful of two of hair.

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  3. You can, "comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable." I read somewhere that's the idea anyway.

    But if I see any patchily bald editors, I'll know who (whom) to blame.

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