Do Not Fold, Spindle or Mutilate

If you’re under forty, you probably don’t know where the title of this post comes from, or even what spindling is.

If you’re under thirty, you may think OMG is a real word.

If you’re under twenty… Well, honestly? I’ve no idea what people under twenty think. I thought I did, then, a  while ago, I was approached by two young men on the street and asked if I could spare a cigarette. As  it happened, I was down to my last cigarette, so I gave them the pack.

“You’re giving away your pack?” one of the men said incredulously. “Sick!”

Insulted, I tried to take the pack back. The young man assured me “sick” was a good thing.  I believed he was being facetious, but didn’t want to get into an argument on the street. I scowled at him and stomped away. Still, it bugged me, so when I got home I checked it out online.

Turns out, nowadays “sick” swings both ways. It can be derogatory, as in:  “You eat toe jam? That’s sick!” And it can also be complimentary, as in: “You won the Pulitzer? That’s sick!”

So how am I supposed to know which one he was using? Is there an accompanying hand gesture? Is the meaning contextual? Do I get to pick the usage that best matches my own opinion?

English is a constantly growing language. And that’s okay, even though we already have more words than we can possibly use. But words must have definable meanings. They can’t  mean just anything and they certainly can’t be their own antonyms. If they were, English would shrink.  Debates would be ludicrous; arguments impossible.

She: It’s sick.

He: No it’s not. It’s sick.

She: I’m sick of having this fight with you all the time.

He: Sick off.

Okay, I made up the last one, but you see where we’re headed here.  Our language is being mutilated, folded in on itself, spindled beyond legibility. On the other hand, it makes my job as a writer easier.

Sick, isn't it?